IB PEOPLE, My name is Anton L and I think, therefore IB, therefore I procrastinate

So the other night (I mean tonight, like right 20 minutes ago. Of course I could argue that time is a constant and there is no past of future, only NOW, and that everything else is purely theoretical and therefore cannot and does not exist. But I won't) (yet) I was writing a lab report for IB Chemistry and I was all "Hey Lab Report. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Hey Anton. Why didn't you do me nights ago instead of now the night before I'm due? And get your head out of the gutter. Just because you personified me with a female voice doesn't mean you should think about doing me like that. Ewww. You're gross.' And suddenly I'm all 'AHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD'".

But really it wasn't my fault that I started the lab report so late. I have so much other homework for my IB classes (I KEEP MENTIONING THAT BECAUSE THIS IS INDEED A BLOG ABOUT THE IB PROGRAM) that I didn't have time. I had started it weeks before, but I took a 5 minute break for some food. But that 5 minute break turned into a 5 hour break turned into a week break turned into the day before it is due oh my god i'mgoingtofailwhatifthecollegesIsendmyapplicationtojustlaughatitandstartpeeingonitindisgust.....break?

So that's my excuse. I promise I'm a good student. I just get distracted easily. I'd rather watch documentaries and argue about philosophy than write an English paper (Hey that's due Wednesday! I know! I'll do it Tuesday!). What am I, some sort of homework mule?

Let me assure you, I am no mule nor will I ever be one lest the advent of genetic experimentation yields the opportunity and then I might become one because that could be sweet. I could pull heavy stuff all over fields.

But back to the lab report. I'm writing it, and the math is sooooo hard. It has uncertainty and numbers and stuff, so I keep watching television on Netflix and eating cookies but that doesn't help the math, so I call a friend, and her boyfriend picks up, and I'm confused because I don't realize it's her boyfriend and I start wondering if maybe that's how she sounds and just wears a voice modulator or maybe it is her dad but I don't want to talk to her dad so I don't know what to do and I just hang up. Later I realize it's her boyfriend and I get embarrassed and sulk in a corner for a few hours.

After my sulking is done, I get back to work and begin typing because this post doesn't need the boring parts where I did maths. And at one point I realize I forgot to deal with that whole uncertainty thing and I have to start over. I start flinging stuff (including feces, but not my own. I carry monkeys around in case I ever need to fling that sort of thing. It happens a lot.) and screaming and then I make some chocolate milk and I calm down.

So I'm almost done. All I have to do is write the conclusion. At this point I start hating my teacher. "How dare you assign me work days in advance and expect me to finish before the due date!" So I write the conclusion like I'm a spy.

"It appears this data has been tampered with. Also, guns and I slept with multiple women on my way here. All of them had puns for names. Also, I'm James Bond."

And then I turn it in, like a well respected business man in the field of half-assing lab reports. Goodnight.