Latin! Y U No Make Sense?

Today is quite auspicious, because today is October 11, 2012. Dates are always important to students who constantly have to write them down on assignments, tests, and the like. So you're going to notice when something numerically fabulous is happening in the calendar. Today is 10/11/12. It gave all of us a tingle of joy when we marked the date on our papers, and there was always someone who cried aloud, "Hey, it's 10/11/12!" No big deal or anything, right? I know that sounds awfully exciting (note my sarcasm), but it really is.

First test on Vergil's Aeneid was this week. It's so sad that my life is controlled by a guy who has been dead for somewhere around two thousand years, but it's true. I can always count on having Latin homework, and I have to complete it in half the time I have to do homework for my other classes. But  I discovered a new studying method for Latin tests. Normally, I look over the correct translations and grammar notes to fix them in my brain like an ancient tumor, but I had the inspiration to make a recording of me reading the correct translation. I turned this recording into an audiobook, which I listened to on loop all that night and all the morning of the test. I have no idea what grade I got, but I did well... at least I hope so.

This section of Book IV of the Aeneid involves a very lengthy speech given by Jupiter to Mercury to take to Aeneas, ordering him to stop lingering with his lovely lady, Dido, in Carthage. He was giving numerous arguments to Mercury to make Aeneas go fulfill his destiny and found the Roman Empire. Suddenly, it hit me. What he really was saying was "Y U No Leave Carthage?" I couldn't resist turning it into a legit meme (I took a well-deserved break from my studying) and soon this followed:

Apparently Vergil wanted his manuscripts for the Aeneid burned after his death, but Augustus published them anyway (Duh, they were written to show how he was related to Venus and therefore awesome. He'd be throwing away high-class PR material). I am sure Vergil would be turning in his grave if I turned what he considered his imperfect work from its dactylic hexameter into an even cruder form of language. Although I'm sure he would be even more incensed with my awful translations that make no sense whatsoever. I'm going to pull an Augustus on this one and continue to do it anyway. It just proves that his ancient words are just as applicable and relevant in today's society and culture.

Mondays...

Since my high school took the idea that Latin is a dead language literally and killed the program, I have been taking IB Latin at 7:00 a.m. over glorified Skype from a teacher at another school. Of course technology will always have some shortcomings. The long-distance learning thing has stopped working 4 times. This means we go to school ridiculously early, only to find that we won't be able to have a real class. Seriously, why can't we keep our technology working? The Romans were the most technically advanced civilization for thousands of years. They built roads that still work today, they had aqueducts that provided water for entire cities, they built loads impressive ampitheaters like the Coliseum, they invented the freaking arch and concrete for goodness' sake! Surely as Latinists we should be able to equal their standards at least in the technology department. It's a little on the pathetic side that we can't keep a handle on our technology quite as well as the Romans could.

Our glorified Skype the Romans would be ashamed of

The lab is alive with the sound of music... Or it would be if my biology experiment had worked. We went out to the creek near our school and collected water samples to do experiments that involved messing around with bacteria. Of course my logical train of thought started with, "If singing is supposed to make plants grow, what about bacteria?" It makes perfect sense, so I walked into the lab today armed with my CD of Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" to subject my bacteria to and observe population growth. First off, there were very few microscopes to go around (Public education is a real bummer), and I had to wait over an hour to get a base count of how much bacteria I had. It was all for nothing. I had NO bacteria whatsoever in my samples. At first I thought I had something, but it turned out to be some gunk on the microscope lens. At least it simplifies writing my lab report.

Science!

I had another complete and total fail during lunch. Today I had a thermos of hamburger meat and cheese mixed together. Like a total clutz, I accidentally spilled some on the table. Now, I have a friend religiously averse to anything that involves vomit. Even the word disturbs her. So she asked me to clean it up, because it resembled puke to her. I cleaned it up with a paper towel. Meaning only to tease her, I tossed the balled up paper towel at her, aiming over her head so it wouldn't hit her. The short story is I have terrible aim. It landed in the top of her shirt. Whoops.

My I-don't-know-how-many-greats grandfather

Then came history. This is only a minor fail, but I just find it incredibly ironic. The teacher asked who lead the Virginian opposition to the Stamp Act. Naturally, I thought the answer would be Thomas Jefferson, because he's a pretty good example of a revolutionary Virginian statesman. The answer was Patrick Henry. This is only ironic because I'm descended from Patrick Henry. You know, the guy who said, "Give me liberty, or give me death!" Somehow, deep down, I feel I didn't fulfill some familial obligation, like when you neglect to thank a distant relative for some nice but completely unnecessary birthday present you'll never ever use. But history was improved by the fact that we discussed British taxes on tea. Because, by some happy accident, I had decided to wear my teapot ring today. Always look on the bright side of life!

My revolutionary ring

Today was also Federalism today in the AP Government classes. I'm not in AP Gov, I got a 5 on the exam, thank you very much. But sophomores in AP Gov are assigned to bring in cakes for a grade when discussing federalism, because the classic models of federalism are cake-themed. This is one very good reason for being friends with sophomores (besides the fact that they're super chill in general). After school, they were walking down the halls with their cake projects. As a good friend and supportive upperclassman, I eased them of their burdens by begging off a couple of bites of their delicious projects. I am always willing to help my underclassmen friends like that. 

You know, just your usual Monday stuff.

IB Stressed

Sometimes I just want to sit and wait for life to happen to me. Especially in my 7:00 a.m. class. The Latin test this week was so horrible, I put my head down on my desk and literally just thought, "What am I doing? I obviously can't do this. I only want to be a writer or dolphin trainer or princess unicorn or something! I don't need an IB Diploma. Just forget about this and you'll never have to do math again!"

Once I realized that I had reduced my future career to princess unicorn I snapped out of it (Who wouldn't want to be? But it's so impossible to get employment as that in this economy). I got a hold of myself and forced myself to finish that test. Probably didn't ace it, but I finished it. I can do this. So if you are an IB student or any student finding yourself thinking the same thing (Maybe not the princess unicorn part, but maybe something along the lines of a rock star griffin), you can do this. I know that it may not feel like it, but you can.

So reward yourself for getting through thus far. It's easy to become IB Stressed. So sit back, relax and enjoy stuff that isn't IB related. I know I do. I went to see a movie with some friends on Friday. It was downtown, and outdoors. We picnicked by the fountain, eating pizza and doughnuts after we'd set up lawn chairs in the town square in front of the movie screen. Seriously, it was phenomenal. High school isn't all about school. It's about enjoying the people you're sharing this amazing experience with, and finding out who you really are.

It's so easy to let those two little letters control your life. You should work as hard as possible to get that IB Diploma, but don't let them control EVERY aspect of your life. Go out and do something fun once in a while, as long as it's legal.

Poetry Slam

This weekend's homework included my first ever Ovid translation. We had to translate lines 55-66 of his Metamorphoses, which is the beginning of the tale of the star-crossed lovers Pyramus and Thisbe. If you don't know the story, this is a quick summary of it as performed by the Beatles.

Anyway, after hearing all about the grandeur and timeless wisdom of Roman poetry, I went into this expecting greater meanings of life and such like. Translating it showed me differently. It turns out Ovid is nothing short of hipster. Yes, I said it. Somebody had to. Really, Latin is hard enough without taking it to an artistic and obscure extreme. One word will be at the end of one line, and the word describing it will be really far away from it. Apparently it builds suspense. Oh yeah, and he employs chiasma to "represent the barrier between the two lovers."

I can imagine Ovid chilling around the Forum. No, not the Forum, because that's too mainstream. There was probably some obscure little Roman equivalent of a coffee shop that is only in ruins now. No, it'd be completely gone, because only famous, mainstream things survived and are preserved through the centuries. Ovid probably chilled in there, sipping ancient Fair Trade wine and eating vegan cat brains or something. That's probably why a lot of stories don't involve Romans. Writing about Greeks and Babylonians would be so much more deck. I wonder how he managed to pull off skinny jeans and scarves with his toga...

That's the cruel irony of it. Ovid is now considered a prime example of Classical Literature. He's mainstream. People read his work through the Middle Ages and onward, and hundreds of Latin students like me read him every year. Oh, cruel fate that torments Roman poetry. Destroying the lives of Pyramus and Thisbe just wasn't enough, you had to go and make Ovid the pinnacle of mainstream Classical culture, too. 

Chillaxosome

I learn something new everyday. For instance, I learned that there is a protein complex in cells called a "Relaxosome." Not entirely sure why it is. Or why I am not terribly relaxed even though I have millions of them. But that's not the main point. If you're going to go as far as to name an integral cell structure something as ridiculous as "Relaxosome," you should go all the way. There's no return after calling it a Relaxosome, so a much better name would be "Chillaxosome." I am putting forth a motion that we should renamed the Relaxosome the Chillaxosome. I am sure biologists all over the world would agree with me.

Besides being a source of bizarre trivia, IB Bio is also a source of comic relief. Nothing is better than sitting in an interesting science class, except when you can find some form of humor in it. Case in point, my artistic and hilarious friends:

"Eukaryote are so eukarycute!"

"I mitochondria come back to your place tonight."

"You're the ribosomes to my rough endoplasmic reticulum."

Latin too had an unexpected surprise in the manner of humorous education. Today, we learned Result clauses, which basically go along the lines of "The city was so beautiful, it was widely praised." A more informal (and preferable) way of terming these clauses is "Yo' Mama" clauses. Like "Yo' mama is so stupid, she tried to alphabetize M&Ms." The Romans were master insulters and fighters, so obviously they had the foresight to make a clause just for one of the greatest insults of all time. It's perfectly conceivable, considering the Babylonians invented the Yo Mama Joke years before the Romans were around. And Romans did like to rip stuff off from other cultures. 

IB does have its little quirks. I guess it's because all knowledge it a little bit quirky.